Billionaire Bonding

June 23, 2010 - 2 Responses

It was beginning to get to me. For 2 months, all I felt was stress.

I was convinced my son hated me. I couldn’t touch him without it leading to him crying. I felt lost again with our second child, seemingly forgetting everything I knew about how to comfort a baby.

My job added to my responsibilities the week of his birth, so I was spending less time at  home, and arriving home with less energy. I was on edge, and my inability to bond with him was pushing me over it.

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Maybe Makayla spoiled me. She was so easy to take care of. She slept through the nights after a week or two. I was only working part-time when we were preparing for her to come, and had only been working full-time for the prior 3 months to her arrival. Maybe the ease with which she moved into our lives was keeping me and Aiden from having a fair chance to bond.

I felt a toll. Going to work in the morning was getting more difficult. I was tired from a lack of sleep, and I wasn’t feeling wanted by the newest person in my life. A person I had wanted for so long. A person whose name I had chosen when I was 13.

I watched his body tense up whenever I spoke, and I took it personal. I couldn’t deal with him crying when I held him. I couldn’t be there for him in the way that I had imagined. In the way that seemed to come so easy for  Gabby.

I watched as he would melt away in her arms. He felt instant comfort with her. It felt at home, with mom.


Even Makayla began to bond with her brother, requesting to carry him on several occasions. She became protective of him, scolding me when he cried and I wouldn’t stop it.

I felt depressed by it. I didn’t update the site with happy pictures. I gave generic responses when people asked about him. I leaned on Gabby to handle him most.

I stayed away.

In doing so, I was placing blame on him instead of me. I stopped being a proper parent. I wasn’t being fair to him, and giving us a chance to get to know each other. To build our own bonds.

But on a typically hectic day, Gabby needed to rush out and buy some things for the house, I was left alone with our  two babies. On that day, something happened. “Billionaire” happened.

Aiden cried endlessly. I had no idea how to calm him. I felt myself beginning to get stressed out, but I told myself that today would be the last time I copped out on him. I stood up with him, put on the video channel, and danced with him, but nothing worked.

Nothing worked, until Billionaire by Travie McCoy came on.

Instantly, he started cooing. He relaxed, and I smiled.

For the first time, my son melted into me. He lay on my chest, comfortably, and I finally felt he was at home with me. We accepted each other. All over an alternative hiphop song.

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Flash forward to this past Father’s day. Our families had gathered at St.Michael’s for Aiden’s baptism. He was such a good kid. He didn’t cry throughout the entire event. And I held him, the entire way through. He felt so at ease with me now, falling asleep in my arms.

Towards the end of the ceremony, Aiden began to get uncomfortable in all of the clothing he had on. It was pretty warm out, and it was starting to bother him. Aiden started crying, and Gabby passed him to me. The deacon began to do his blessing to us, and as soon as he was done, Aiden started bawling.

I didn’t panic. I didn’t get nervous. I turned around, and started dancing and sang to him..

I want to be a Billionaire, so fucking bad…

Then I stopped. Realizing I had just cursed in church. But he had stopped crying. He was at home with me again. So I hope God lets that one slide.

Meet the King!

March 24, 2010 - 5 Responses
In awe of the King

In awe of the King!

Thanks for the pic Gail! More to come.

The King is Here!

March 24, 2010 - Leave a Response

I make babies! Born at 1:35pm. Aiden King Almonte has arrived!

Ready To Go

March 17, 2010 - Leave a Response

Ok, so I packed a bag for the hospital and a separate bag for Mak that you can take to your aunt.

Are we going to the hospital tonight?

I don’t know honey, but just in case. Here’s her clothes, her jacket, her hat and I’ll have some bottles of milk ready.

The doctor said you were a centimeter dilated honey. Did I miss something?

Just in case Gastor.

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This is how Gabby relaxes me before I go to bed for the night.

Making his way out, slowly.

March 10, 2010 - One Response

Aiden has Gabby “a pinky tip” dilated.

Hey, it’s a start.

Mak in the morning

March 1, 2010 - 2 Responses

6 Weeks to go

February 24, 2010 - 4 Responses

Damn thats a big belly!

Goodluck Gabby.

Lost in Love

February 14, 2010 - 8 Responses

On most days it’s easy to take the small things for granted.

My morning cup of tea that she leaves covered on the kitchen counter, prepared the night before. The “I love you” note she surprises me with once a week in my lunch bag. The lunch in said lunch bag. The warmth in her eyes that take away all the tension of the day the second I arrive home.

All that is amazing about her gets lost in the shuffle of my routine. I find myself constantly pressing for a better life for my family, and as that goal comes closer, it can be easy to lose track of why there is a goal in the first place.

The truth is that on most days, I worry about Makayla and about Aiden, but not about her. I wonder about the job I am doing as a father with Mak, and about how I am preparing for the arrival of our little man. How my  actions will affect their future.

But not her. She has always been the constant. The hand that guides me through my lost moments is always hers. It has been there for so long that I find myself often forgetting how lucky I am to always be able to count on it.

So today, before I go to buy her a bag of M&M’s (our tradition,) before she wakes up to start her day as our Superwoman, I wanted to take a moment to appreciate her.

I Love You Gabby.

P.S. Now sleep in until noon so I have time to go buy something last minute honey.

Loss of Control

January 6, 2010 - One Response

I screamed.

She was crying, and I screamed.

Makayla had been sick for the past week and had grown very attached to Gabby. It was the first time Makayla had gotten sick, and truthfully it was difficult. She’s usually the easiest baby to care for, and I guess I was spoiled by that.

When your daughter gets sick for the first time, she reverts. She becomes a 3 month old. She needs to be carried for comfort. She is quicker to cry for attention. She needs you. She deserves that too.

But I still slipped. I can make a ton of excuses for it too. Maybe it was the 12 hour shift I just worked. My dad’s recent health issues. The paperwork I had to handle. Knowing I was going to get 3 hours of sleep on that night, as I had to get up early.

But they don’t excuse my action.

One word was screamed.

Gabby couldn’t leave to the bathroom for 5 minutes without me losing my temper, and in turn, I ruined our night. And all I could think about was the result.

Did Makayla stop crying? No.

She was scared, as I’ve never lost my temper around her before. Her eyes went back in fear, the right side of her face where her lips meet and blend into her cheeks quivered. She lost her balance and fell back, crying louder then before. Uncontrollably.

Gabby, who has always put in more time with Mak, who was easily the one dealing with our sick daughter the most, who really just needed some time to herself to shower, was sent rushing back to our daughters rescue. From me.

It was a reminder. I always said I’d be more patient with my kids then most of the men in my life were with theirs. And I’m glad that in my first year of fatherhood, this is the first time I felt I truly did her wrong.

But it was one time too many. It was one time I wish I could take back. It was one time, that I hope to not repeat.

Passed Out

November 18, 2009 - 2 Responses

Mak runs out of energy mid-reach.

more about “Better For Joy: Passed Out on Vimeo“, posted with vodpod

 

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